


Mama we all go to hell

by Skeleton_fren



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Homophobia, I'm Sorry, M/M, Transphobia, Trigger Warnings, also you might get a bit of red hair!gerard, but I haven't decided, ferard is going to be so cute, i might also have trans!gerard, im sorry I'll add tags in the chapters as I go, its one in the morning so I should stop, omg you don't understand, or trans!pat, there are more tags I should probably put but I'm not sure, tw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-04 23:40:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11565783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skeleton_fren/pseuds/Skeleton_fren
Summary: WARNING! TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!!there will be self-harm, self-hate, abuse, anorexia, transphobia and homophobia (both from others and internalized)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING! TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!!  
> there will be self-harm, self-hate, abuse, anorexia, transphobia and homophobia (both from others and internalized)

“No! You don’t get to do that to him!” a boy screamed. He looked up at a monster grabbing onto his little brother’s spongebob pj shirt, and gripping his hair.  
“Stop it now! Leave him alone!” he screamed once more.  
The creature looked at him, giving him a menecing glare. Dropping the poor five year old onto the floor it looked over at him, giving him an evil glare,“What the fuck did you say gerard?” He stood there firm and tall, trying to intimidate the monster. His arms darting back to hold onto his five year old brother, trying to keep him safe and secure. The walls around them seemed to close in, every creaking noise and step the monster took made him less confident, his body turning gripping onto his brother for dear life before whispering in his ear. He watched as the little five year old ran off down the hallway, a door slamming and locking behind him.  
“Gerard, you little shit.” it spewed at gerard as it made his way closer to the boy.  
Gerards hands began to shake and clam up, now that his little brother was gone and safe he was terrified. Gerard tried to stand up tall and confident again, but all that gave him was a quick and painful stinging on his right cheek. He whimpered softly, raising his hand where he knew a bruise would form the next day.  
“Y-yes daddy?” he answered scaredly looking up at his father, he knew what was coming and he knew if he didn’t take the beating from his drunk father that his little brother mikey would. And little seven year old gerard didn’t want that.  
\------------  
   
“Gerard?........gerard?....gee!....gerard!”  
Gerard gasped waking up in a cold sweat, his eyes quickly darting around the room and eyes falling on a teen with blonde hair, his roots brown. Realising it was just his brother he let out a deep sigh he didn’t know that he was holding.  
“Was it a nightmare again gee?” mikey looked over brother with a sympathetic look on his face, he scooted closer to his older brother and wrapped him in a hug.  
Gerard (insert another word for giving back) the hug, burying his head in the crook of the blonde boy’s hair. His eyes scanned their bedroom, his eyes first falling on the corner of the room where a black wooden dresser stands, covered in different papers and perscription bottles. His eyes dart over to the right of it and at an old desk covered with more papers and art supplies. Gerard left out a little whimper, relieved that they were home, and not at that hell hole with their deranged abusive father. Mikey’s hands slowly rubbed up and down his older brothers back calming him down. He hummed a soft tune in gerard’s ear trying to coax him back to sleep.  
“It’s okay gee, we’re okay remember? We live in chicago now, not in jersey okay? He can’t hurt us anymore.” mikey said.  
Gerard nodded in response,” y-yea… you’re right mikey. I’m sorry for waking you up again. We- we um should probably head to bed. We have school in the morning.”  
Mikey looked down at his brother with a smile, getting comfortable next to him instead of getting up and heading onto the top bunk of the beds. The blonde wrapping his arms around the older’s waist pulling him in closer. After 20 minutes, mikey’s breathing becomes even and shallow signalling he’s fallen asleep. Unlike gerard who is still wide awake, unable to sleep. Afraid that if he were to close his eyes and open them in the morning that he and his brother would be back at that house, that hell hole. So he stayed like that all night, and if in the morning mikey asked him if he fell asleep it wouldn’t hurt him if he lied and said he did.


	2. You should have raised a baby girl I shouldn't have been a better son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this was a really boring chapter it will start to pick up once the drama starts and when i introduce the other characters i swear! this was mostly a filler chapter but tomorrows chapter will be WAY better :3 ily all of you!

Gerard’s eyes scanned the parking lot searching for his baby brother and his best friend. It was already 20 minutes after school and gerard really wanted to get home for a smoke. Normally he didn’t smoke unless he had something on his mind or he was stressed the fuck out, and neither applied to this situation, but he really just wanted a smoke. Gerard looked down at himself, his black leather jacket hung over his lanky but still strong frame, under it was an old worn out Metallica t-shirt that was covered in holes and was in the same condition as his black ripped jeans. The red head boy looked up spotting both mikey and a boy wearing a floral kimono and some weird white framed glasses that looked like he worked as an oompa loompa.   
“Yo mikey! Tyler! What took you so long?” gerard questioned both boys “and why the fuck are you wearing those ty? You look like an oompa loompa.”  
Tyler rolled his eyes at the comment,” shut up gerard. It was all Mr.urie’s fault anyway! He kept me and mike here behind cause we were talking “inappropriately” but it's not my fault that andy black has a great butt and face like have you seen that man? God i wish i could tap that!”  
Mikey let out a snort, not bothering to respond to his best friend's shenanigans,”hey gee is it okay if ty spends the night? His parents are out of town for the week and the poor baby doesn't want to be alone.” mikey shuffled closer to the “oompa loompa” pinching the boy’s cheeks and cooing at him.  
“It’s fine with me as long as we don’t have a repeat of last time alright?”  
Tyler stood up straight and tall, a serious look plastered on his face as he gave the eldest a soldier’s salute. Gerard rolled his eyes motioning them both to get into the black 1978 Trans am while getting into the driver’s seat himself.  
\-----  
The whole ride home was just a mouthful of gossip coming from tyler’s mouth, gerard didn’t mind, he was a really great kid. Just sometimes it got very annoying for the eldest way brother cause he just wanted some peace and quiet in the car for once.  
“Yea so i heard that joe trohman got into some serious trouble with the dean because they found him selling pot in the art wing.”  
“Seriously? That must be a lie! Its fucking joe for fucks sake tyler there was no way it was him, who was he dealing it to?” mikey was very curious as to how joe trohman the school’s weed dealer got caught selling weed.  
“Oh this will be a fun one to tell!”  
\-----  
A loud huff could be heard coming from gerard’s room, finally being home and in his own room while the two friends mingled amongst themselves downstairs gave him a sigh of relief. Gerard didn’t really want to move of the bed, but he also did not want to stay in his school smelling clothing. It just grossed him out, so he lifted his own lifeless body off his small twin sized bed and into the bathroom with his towel and spare clothing. Gerard’s eyes scanned his reflection, tired and drained eyes looked back at him, he pushed and probed at his cheeks with his free hand. Gerard hated his appearance, he never really knew why he just knew he did not like what he saw, the same old dead eyes staring back at him, how greasy his black messy hair was, how thin and pale he was. Gerard just did not like anything, maybe he just needed a new look? Maybe… maybe he should dye his hair! That seemed like the perfect idea for gerard in this situation. Sure he didn’t know what color but once he was set on something he was determined to do it.


	3. Mama we all go to hell

“You fucking faggot! Such a disgrace to our family! Why couldn’t you be normal huh? You’re the reason why your mother fucking left us! Because she knew you’d grow up and want to be fucked in the ass!”“Who cares if i like it up the ass! It's not like i chose to be gay donald! Why the fuck does it matter to you any way!” gerard’s face was pure red, his face heating up as he argued with his father.  
Mr.Way had just returned from the bar at 2 am pretty drunk, the stench of alcohol coming from the man’s breath five feet away from gerard. And to say that gerard was sick of it was an understatement, he was personally fed up with having to deal with his father. All of gerard’s pent up anger boiling over and swinging a fist at his father without thought. Not anticipating the blow donald way got punched right in the jaw taking a few steps back to steady himself.  
“Why you motherfucker! You want to be disrespectful and be a whore fine! But i'm going to fucking treat you like a fucking whore if you are going to act as one.” He practically was screaming at the top of his lungs at gerard as he bounded over grabbing gerard by his long medium length hair and slamming him into the wall behind gerard.   
Gerard’s head was throbbing at the harsh impact he could barely think, his vision was slightly blurred. Gerard tried to grip onto his father’s shirt but his actions were costly, before gerard could even reach his father once again yanked on gerard’s hair and slamming him back against the wall harder.   
Gerard could not think, he could barely see, his head was possibly bleeding so he closed his eyes as he continued to try and fight off his dad. Mr.way however was done with dealing with his “son’s” shit and dragged him down into the basement where he duct taped gerard’s wrists and ankles to the point that they were turning purple from lack of blood.  
“You want to know what happens to whores and people who are fucking homosexuals gerard! You want to be all rebellious and become a fag and whore well you're about to find the fuck out!”  
Mr.way grabbed ahold of his sons neck pushing him down against the cold concrete floor and with his free hand practically ripping off gerards basketball shorts and boxers.  
\------  
Gerard’s body stood up with a jolt and a loud scream. His eyes scanned the familiar bedroom and was slightly happy that mikey was asleep downstairs with tyler in the livingroom. Yet still felt as if he needed to get out of the house and into some fresh air, so he got up grabbing his phone, keys and wallet not bothering to grab a jacket on the way out of the house and in nothing but sweats and an old mario t-shirt.   
Gerard at first didn’t know where he was heading before he found himself on the familiar dirt road to the jogging bridge over the waterfall in the park. As he got closer to his favorite spot, he noticed someone already there, which was strange because who else but him and his brother would go to a bridge in the middle of the night? Gerard squinted his eyes as he looked closer and noticed the figure was standing up on the ledge of the bridge, looking down at the raging water falling down over 20 feet. He quickly jogged over before getting only a few feet away to notice it was a girl, she looked like she was only 13 max from her short height and lack of breasts.  
“Hey, kid you really shouldn’t be up there.” gerard cautiously walked up to the girl making it just three feet away from her before she responded.  
“And why should i? It would just make life a lot easier for the people around me.” she responded in a monotone voice.  
“Well… um there must be people in your life that would miss you right? Cmon please get down.” gerard’s anxiety levels started to rise, hoping whoever this girl was wouldn’t jump.  
She sighed before she kneeled down and sat in the edge, her feet dangling off the side of the bridge as she stared off into the dark water. Gerard didn't know if he was allowed to get closer, he was an absolute stranger to the girl after all.  
“You can sit with me… ya know if you want to.” she responded barely above a whisper.  
“So what are you doing out here all by yourself? I mean it's like 3 am and you look about 13. Plus why would you trust me? I'm just a random stranger for all you know i could kidnap you and take you into my basement.”  
She rolled her eyes looking over at gerard and eyeing him up and down, “First off i'm not 13 i’m 16, second off if you were going to kidnap me you would have already done it.”  
“You have a point there kid. But why were you up here in the first place? If you don’t mind me asking.”   
Before responding the girl took down her black hood off her pushing her hair back, and gerard really liked the look. The sides of her hair were buzzed down and dyed white while the rest of her hair was a good length swooped to the front giving her ‘emo bangs’.   
“Don't really want to talk about it frankly.” she responded chuckling to herself at the obvious joke she made, but it to gerard it sounded like she was laughing at him.  
Intending on keeping the conversation going with the girl, he found out that they both go to the same high school, and apparently were in the same class and grade. They just sat like that all morning talking about the randomest things that popped into their heads. What their favorite bands were, which teacher they hated the most, about the fight that broke out earlier that week between a jock and one of the drug dealers. It was light, nothing about it was forced at all, to gerard it seemed natural like he was talking to mikey and he really enjoyed it.  
“So…” the girl started off saying throwing a rock out and watching it as it plummeted to the river below. “Why did you come here to the bridge?”  
Gerard grinned over at her,”tell me why you were here and i’ll tell you why i’m here.”  
She looked over at gerard rolling her eyes before responding, “ Deal. so um….”  
“Don’t worry i don’t bite honey.”  
She sighed softly to herself looking up at the sunrising from the east, picking at the lint on her black hoodie. Gerard didn’t try to rush the poor thing, he was just a very curious kid and frankly he wanted to help her, even if he only knew her for a few hours.  
“Honestly i felt like total shit, and i couldn’t stop that feeling of fucking wanting to die or hurt myself and slit my wrists or doing something, and my fucking dysphoria didn’t help my situation at all because it just made me feel more like shit.” she leaned back onto the supporting beam on the bridge with a small chuckle, “probably shouldn’t be sharing all this on the first date huh? Oh well, s’not like i care anymore.”   
Gerard felt bad for the poor thing, she seemed to be going through so much.  
“Dysphoria? So…. um what are you?” gerard’s face heated up quickly.  
“wait - fuck- shit- i didn’t mean it like that! What i meant to say was like- are you a guy who’s a girl or a girl who’s a guy? Wait that doesn’t sound-”Gerard got cut off before he could finish his blubbering mess of a sentence.  
“I’m a guy in a girls body. And it’s okay i know you didn’t mean it like that, you’re very sweet.”  
Gerard let out a breath he didn’t know he was even holding in. Running his hand through his hair he looked over at he- him giving him a small sincere smile.  
“So what should i call you oh mysterious boy?”  
“Call me frank.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOOHHHHHHH LOOKS LIKE I LIED IN THE TAGS????? OR DID I! WHO KNOWS! I MIGHT STILL ADD IN TRANS!GERARD! OR NONBINARY GERARD! I HOPE YALL LIKED THIS CHAPTER!!!! HAVE A GREAT NIGHT/MORNING/DAY/EVENING/WEEK/YEAR/LIFE


	4. Crawling in my skin these wounds they will not heal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings!  
> For dysphoria  
> And please if you experience dysphoria please please please! Do not use the method of binding frank uses in my Fic! If you cannot afford a binder a simpler and cheap way to bind without a chest binder is to take two sports bra, one a size smaller than you actually wear and one a normal size you would wear put on the reg bra then put the smaller bra on backwards. And please! If it starts to hurt please take it off I don't want you running out of breath or damaging your ribs. And do not wear it for longer than 8 hours.

To say frank was having a bad morning was an understatement, not only was he running late to school, but in his rush to get there at a decent time he had forgotten to put his chest binder on. The anxiety was already settling in the pit of his stomach, no one has every seen him with well...boobs. Frank shook his head at the thought, not wanting to think more of what could possibly happen and continued on his trek to school. 

 

\--------------------------------

 

Okay so what if frank got to school by fourth block because he went to Walgreens and bought ace bandages? So what if his evil math teacher Mr.Ray gave him detention after school? Well it didn't matter to frank. 

At this point all frank had to do for the rest of the day was get through 5th block, have his lunch then get through his last two classes of the day, detention and then off to his house. Not so bad right? Well to frank it was a total nightmare.

Frank sat there in his English class bored out of his mind as he drifted off into his own world. He wasn't worried in the slightest that he would get caught daydreaming, all of his teachers knew his situation at home and none of them bothered the boy, wanting to give him a break for once.

Franks mind starting to wander and think about getting home and playing his guitar to finish a part of a song he just can't figure out how to finish, wandering off to his mom, god he fucking hated his mother, she didn't understand anything about frank wanting to transition. Something about god choosing who you're supposed to be before you're born or some bullshit. Frank didn't believe in the whole 'god' and and religion sort of thing. 

The short haired boy looked around the classroom, the teacher talking about Shakespeare but he didn't bother tuning in to the conversation, his eyes wandering back outside the window where he saw the p.e kids, the girls playing volleyball and the boys out on the field playing football. Frank sighed and dreading that he had p.e after lunch, he always hated it. Since frank wasn't really, a 'boy' according to the books of the school district, he had to stay with the girls p.e class which raised a bunch of questions. However, the p.e teacher just told the class that frank had asthma and couldn't participate with the boys in the other class. It didn't stop the boys from mocking and bullying poor frank.

He started to feel a sharp pain in his chest the more he thought about it. To the districting , frank being the way he was didn't matter to them, they still saw him as a girl which infuriated him, but also saddened him to an extreme. 

His hands began to shake on his lap, moving his gaze away from the window and down to his neat desk, frank tried calming down. He wasn't good enough, he wasn't masculine enough to be in the boys p.e class, he still had boobs for crying out loud! The same boobs that he dreadfully wanted removed so he could stop wearing a binder, that would make him feel so much better and get rid of his dysphoria, not all together but a significant part of it. 

"It's never going to happen Francesca, you know it. Even if you get rid of your boobs and get bottom surgery, you'll never truly be a male. No one will ever love you when you tell them you're a tranny."

Frank whimpered to himself, his hands balling into fists as he listens to this dark side of his thoughts. 

"Everyone will be disgusted by you, you won't have any friends, no lover. Let's face it, you love guys, but no gay guy is going to want to date a guy with a vag."

The words being spewed at frank broke his façade little by little, at this point frank didn't care if tears were cascading down his face. Bringing his hands up to grip onto his hair he let out a small sob, not noticing that at this point the whole class was staring at him and the teacher trying to get his attention. 

"You're never EVER going to be a true boy Francesca and you know it." That was the last straw for frank, he bolted up out of his desk, his bag clattering to the floor.

"Frank are you okay?" A middle age women looked at him, very worried as to what was happening with the poor boy.

Not bothering to answer her frank just wiped his eyes, picking up his beat up black bag and running out of the room. Frank wasn't sure where he was going but all he knew was that he needed a smoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to take a moment to say the friends, family and everyone who loved and cared for Chester Bennington and Chester himself are in my prayers. It's so sad to see him go, he was a generations true inspiration and he has helped so many people with his music. I grew up listening to linkin park and so did many other teens, young adults and even adults.  
> Please if you ever need anyone to talk to I am always open to talk. My inbox here is open to you and my inbox on my tumblr is open to you as well. I don't judge, but please please if you're looking for a reason not to end your life this is it. Everyone stay safe, I love you all.  
> ~ www.happyturtl3s.tumblr.com


End file.
